The Lookout

Ever read a book where you slam your eReader down and give it an evil glare? Where you yell at it, “You can sit there for ten minutes and when I pick you back up, I better not have read what I think I just read.” Yeah, this was that kind of book.

Holy hot damn.

Dereham is a ‘new to me author’, and when I saw an advertisement on Instagram featuring three men on the cover, I was intrigued. I just finished major edits to my latest novel which is M/M/M and I thought…I should read someone else’s.

So I picked up Dereham’s book. Now, he did warn me that the content could be triggering. But I thought to myself, damn, I write about demons, and monsters, and blood and gore, violence…what could possibly be so triggering.

OMG. Just…I almost couldn’t. I was CRUSHED.

Crushed as in…Polyamory isn’t represented real well. Society has engrained this version of love as two people in a committed relationship (well, okay, most of the time it’s far more heteronormative, but let’s be more open-minded than that, shall we?) The concept of three guys coming together and not only being sexually attracted to one another, but also able to have a loving, supportive, and healthy relationship shouldn’t be an odd thing. Listen, if you find your one and only and you’re happy with that, fantastic! You go, gurl. But for some folks, there’s enough space in their hearts for more than one. I think that’s beautiful. I won’t romanticize throuplehood either – hell, I’m a guy who’s been in a long-term, committed relationship with a fantastic man for 24 years. Intimate relationships with one other person has challenges. The dynamics that flow with three people? Exponentially more tough to navigate – I would think.

Now, I’m not gonna lie – the concept of sharing your bed each night with two others is also hot as hell. Dereham does not shy away from this, and as listed in the Genre category in the header of this post I have stated this is erotica. There is boundless amounts of sex. Hot, wet, spicy, furry, gay sex. OMG.

I read most of this on the train to and from work and I had to – *ahem* – settle, before I could walk off.

So, if you’re looking for scalding hot, get your fan out, and a cold drink – cause you gonna need it – then the first two thirds of this book is for you.

And then…

Remember when I said polyamory isn’t always represented really well? That it’s tough to find stories of throuples where jealousy doesn’t rear its ugly head, ultimately destroying the relationship? I thought for sure this is where Dereham was taking this. And it got played out…for pages…and I kept turning every page thinking…here we go…this is where it all falls to shit.

And then Dereham completely gutted me. I hate writing reviews where the reviewer ends up spoiling the plot twist – and I do not want to do that here. All I’ll say is this…

The demise of the throuple had nothing to do with jealousy, or the inability of three people to have a loving, committed relationship. It had everything to do with mental health. Absolutely gutted. I went from holy fox dens this is hot to, what the fuck just happened?

I almost cried. Seriously. I’m a tough old bitch. It takes a lot to take me there. Even writing this, I’m still aghast. Reflecting back on the events in the story, it was all there, right in front of your face. The mental health issue was done so well. You just didn’t see the signs until it was all too late. I lived with someone many, many years ago who was (I believe and will always believe), textbook, undiagnosed bi-polar. I’m not a doctor, it could have been many other things…but reliving that period of my life through this book…damn. Just damn.

Dereham has a full length novel, Hound, and I’ve already bought it.