Mary, Queen of Scotch

This book starts off with the eponymous Mary trapped in a whiskey barrel with no crowbar or any other necessary or useful devices to help her out, and that includes a wish for Thor. Why not? Thor is both useful and hot. She’s also thinking about her Ma, and questioning how her other persona’s questionable 5 star Yelp reviews – Barry the PI – can mean anything when in this much of a pickle. After the unusual beginning, the story shifts to how Barry actually came to be in the barrel, eventually going past that point to the solving of a case, and all roads leading to whatever a good PI, well, one with an online qualification, can hope for. It’s all done in a very tongue in cheek, humorous, and decidedly camp way.

Sixty year old Arthur Slade initially contracts Barry to follow his twenty-three year old spouse, Chad, to see if he’s cheating on him. It starts the ball rolling for the drag character Mary, Queen of Scotch to be born. Barry takes the case, follows Chad, finds nothing that would indicate there’s anyone else. That’s it, case closed. It’s time to pay up and move on as far as Barry’s concerned, but Arthur’s not on the same page.

Chad works as Lucille Balls, Lucy, at local drag bar Out-N-Out three nights a week and Arthur wants Barry inside, complete with wigcam, to get the total tea on Chad. He’s absolutely certain there’s someone else – it’s isn’t right to have blue balls at sixty when you have a normally sexed up twenty-three year old in your bed. So Barry’s got to do what a PI’s got to do to make a living… and more Yelp reviews. He enlists the help of his loving, helpful but guilting ‘Ma’ for makeup, wig, and overall outfit, then sashays up to the bar where the bartender, Ray Charles – obviously not the original – flirts with the new ‘drag’ talent. It’s when Barry quickly comes up with the catchy Mary, Queen of Scotch for her new drag moniker. It’s here Mary meets a troop of queens, including the delightfully named Auntie Bellum, Luna Tic, Pearl Necklace, Connie Hung and Maureen Povich.

Even though the other queens like to take a dig at Arthur and Chad’s age difference, which is clearly quite considerable, Chad seems resolute about being in love with his husband. Mary captures Lucy on wigcam admitting to being happily married to Arthur, not even interested in a kiss let alone a whole affair. Still, even this isn’t enough for Arthur, thus begins a new career addition for our intrepid PI narrator.

It doesn’t take too long for Barry to discover his inner drag queen – the wigs, lippy and general makeup aren’t all that bad, and the tips aren’t to be sneezed at either, they’re incredibly generous. Ray even makes sure that scotch is free flowing and the songs Mary knows, Madonna being a popular choice, are played for her lip syncs. While Mary is enjoying the spotlight on stage, it’s Lucy that’s the star. Lucy is hot as Chad and gorgeous as Lucy. She has a stage presence but a sadness about her as both Lucy and Chad. What does that mean? Is Chad/Lucy unhappily married? Is there something more going on? All that glitters is not gold and Chad has a rather interesting backstory, but that still doesn’t mean he’s a cheater. However, the longer Barry is around the girls, the more it seems that there are secrets everywhere, and an uncertainty about who to trust. And all the while, Barry’s Ma laments that he didn’t stay a barista at Starbucks.

There isn’t a lot I can review about Mary, Queen of Scotch. It’s hard to say much about the plot because a) it would spoil the overall story and b) it relies on humour which feeds off situations and prior jokes, none of which ever translates well in a review. You kind of have to be there.

What I can say is that there are moments of bitchy queens, a camaraderie amongst the girls as well. The further Barry gets involved the more it appears the original case is morphing. There’s an interesting transition, smooth, from the case Arthur Slade wants investigated, the one involving a potentially cheating spouse, to so much more.

Also, Barry goes from a man-drought to two guys happening at once, one being Ray Charles and one being his well endowed ex.

Rob Rosen has a lot of fun with this book. Barry/Mary is funny, cheeky, irreverent, a most unusual PI. And, to be honest, I’m a sucker for a gay son who really loves his dear (old) mum and vice versa, being fortunate to have that kind of relationship myself.

My own FYI: This is quite a hard book to classify. I’m struggling outside of ‘humour’, ‘mystery’, ‘PI’ and ‘drag queens’ as tags. I can see where the publisher has ‘erotic’ and ‘romance’ as part of their book tags. Personally, I wouldn’t really call it either, although I did. It does have elements of both within the writing and story. I sound contradictory now, but maybe don’t go in thinking super sexy romance and you’ll enjoy this book a lot more. Jess Whitecroft’s FuBar series, for example, is easily classified as ‘romance’ and ‘erotic’, this isn’t as cut and dry. They both feature drag queens but JW’s books have way more sex, and romance is also at the heart of the series, this book is humour first and foremost, then mystery, then other elements.

Overall:

Mary, Queen of Scotch has the best title, it’s clever and so much fun. Also, look at that gorgeous cover. The narrative is conversational in style and is delivered as if you’re Barry’s bestie and he’s relaying the details of his latest case to you. The writing is strong yet lighthearted – there is no animus at any stage from Barry, no matter what happens. I liked that about him. The editing is tight, the characters interesting and three-dimensional, the humour, puns, drag queen snarking is on point, and there’s even a little sumthin-sumthin along the way – good for you, Barry/Mary.

Rob Rosen dons a pair of Louboutins and gallops along full pelt in this high-spirited story. He delivers quirky PI/drag queen realness with dollops of tea, shade, and a non-formulaic story that flows well and delivers much. It definitely has you wanting to know what happens in the end, and why, because the mystery is a major arc. But Ray, Barry, and Jeff were a nice distraction as well.

I really am enjoying books that take me off familiar and well worn “MM” paths, and Mary, Queen of Scotch delivers quite delightfully.

Shantay, Mary, you stay. I hope you come back soon for more adventures – and bring your Ma with you. 5 Stars!

You guys have GOT to read this book. Oh my gah. And Mr. Rob, if you are reading this at any point, I am begging you, please let there be a sequel, a blog post, something with these guys in the future, because this was one of the best books I’ve read and I’ve read some damn good ones lately.

If you guys have never been in a drag bar, you’re missing out lol. Those babies are bitches in and out and I can say that because I used to be a part of that scene. I was an ‘assistant’ to a queen for a few years and it’s an experience, let me tell you. These characters are brass, sassy, snarky, bitchy, downright hateful and rude and the others are just as sweet as can be. But you can’t have one without the other. Even the sweet ones know how to be catty.

Barry finds himself involved in a case where he’s supposed to be seeing if the guy’s husband is cheating on him. He’s checked and checked. Followed him everywhere. And now he’s stepping into something he’s never done. A drag bar. As a new queen call Mary, Queen of Scotch. The more he investigates the husband, the more he keeps telling the other husband, there’s no cheating going on. He’s even had to wear a camera for the guy to see and hear. No cheating. Barry finally has enough and ends the contract, because the guy just isn’t cheating. But what is going on in that bar, is something else. And Barry can’t let that go. Little by little, he’s digging up dirt on everyone and by the time he’s figured it all out, he’s been held at gunpoint and nailed inside a whiskey barrel. Once he’s saved, he has to know how far this goes and he finds out. Now he’s at gunpoint again, along with his boyfriend and all the Queens and someone may not make it out alive. Namely him.

First of all, props to Barry’s stage name. Especially considering the irony of being nailed in a cask. I love Barry’s character though. His mouth gets him in more trouble but man it’s funny as hell. And his mom, bejeesus help us all. She is a pistol. Even his dad gets a few licks in, that leave Barry wanting mind bleach and left me rolling in the floor laughing my butt off. What impressed me most with Barry though, he could have left this case be. When he had ample evidence, Chad/Lucy wasn’t cheating, he could have walked away. But he knew something was up. And as rude and hateful as some of the ‘girls’ had been, he still felt like their friends and responsible for them. And knew he couldn’t let things keep on the way they were. In spite of being on the verge of death a few times, he kept at it. And when all the secrets were revealed, he knew he had to protect them and take the head bitch down. But even that had come with a price.

It’s a damn good book. It’s a mystery, but funny and of course with all the Queens, you never know what you’re going to get. I really do want to see these guys again. Well, most of them. A few can rot where they are. A really great book.